Fantasy Revelation As Commanded By Mistress Malice - Enslavement - The Path Of True Submission
Apr. 9th, 2008
04:35 pm - Fantasy Revelation As Commanded By Mistress Malice
Mistress Malice has made this writing assignment more challenging by stating that i write about the one fantasy which is constantly a part of me. Maybe, since i am a Gemini that compounds the problem for me as i really have so many wrapped into one, or at least that is my “justification”. Probably, the most basic and prevalent, is my deep desire to truly and totally live the remainder of my days as an owned slave. This deep and burning need definitely affects my entire life.
i started my cross dressing adventures around age 12 or 14 which corresponded with my first learning of masturbation. When my parents were out, and i had the home to myself i would go into the attic and rummage through my grandmothers old lingerie, particularly what i today would call body shapers which zipped up the front. That was the beginnings, as i then moved into girdles and tight fitting lingerie. These events always ended with masturbating to orgasm. The love for lingerie lingers constantly within my mind. For some reason though, masturbation has since become less frequent, and honestly not a big thing to me. Then in the 1970s i somehow learned about s&m. i had no idea of a Mistress/slave relationship, nor BDSM at that time. This is where i became involved with a combination of dressing in total en femme plus being bound, learning the good bad and ugly of anal plugs. my first anal plug was so darned big i thought it was going to rip me in two. Anyway, anal plugs were not an item of choice until about 7 or 8 years ago.
Finally i started dressing in total, with makeup wigs heels etc in the late 80s. I have been in public dressed, and most always feel warm and fuzzy. I also learned and began wearing pantyhose at that time. I loved the control tops in that they firmed my butt cheeks etc as well as took care of the little bulge created by the male “stick” as it tucked that little thing back and under. i also at that time began to visit professional Mistresses. This was when i was on business trips into various cities and away from the corn fields. my becoming a masochist developed during these experiences. my worst beating was at a Dungeon in San Francisco when i was caned extensively. my ass was virtually every color possible, and the coloring lasted for almost 2 weeks. i have never experienced a caning like that one again. These experiences continued until the middle 90s when i purchased my first computer. Through the computer i somehow found BDSM sites and learned there was such a lifestyle as BDSM. A relationship was formed long distance with a Mistress which resulted in my first diaper experiences. She commanded that i wear diapers for extreme time periods, as i recall about 30 days has been the longest i have been restricted to diapers. Never have i experienced that as an adult baby, but rather a true mental and physical experience when a most common “right” is made a privilege, the use of a toilet. Golden showers also came to be during the 90s.
Since, i learned of Mistress/slave relationships, i began to realize there was much missing in my experiences. All that i had done was s&m which i now feel was for my fun, my play, my pleasure, and was work for the Dominant. Meeting a Lady online from Long Island exposed me to learning about submission, that all was for the pleasure of the Mistress. Today, i now understand that submission is not about my pleasure and i totally and completely subscribe to the philosophies of Female Dominance and Female Superiority.
Secretly my deepest desire is to be taken deep into slavery as a female, used as a whore or whatever is the desire of my Mistress but even more vital to this slave is that my owner derive pleasure from owning this slave, and that this slave becomes a valuable property.
Thus, i beg for guidance, control, training, and more in hopes of becoming a truly valued slave. If i was allowed to hope and dream, reaching this plateau on the journey into submission would be my fantasy.