Enslavement - The Path Of True Submission
May. 14th, 2008
11:37 pm - Porn Task Assignment
Upon receiving Mistress Malice's command a couple of weeks ago to find an adult store and go purchase some porn videos was quite a learning experience for this eager yet virginal sissy slut. Once going to a store, it became a most frustrating experience as the availability was quite lacking. Finally ended up purchasing two videos, one a Mistress Amanda Wildefyre with a rubber slave presenting a Rubber Nurse scene. Basically, it consisted of a slave attired in rubber and frequent changes of hoods. She then added a gag shaped as a dildo so the slave was quite silent while in secure bondage. She kept threatening various torment to include catherizing the slave, but it was merely a mind fuck. With the slave secured in an exam chair with legs spread wide all was available for the Mistress to use and abuse, thus the thoughts were wild and hot running through this slut's mind.
Due to the fact that this slut was plugged fully while watching this porn, the hotness was flowing through these veins in eagerness and envy of not being the lucky slut spread open and wide. The thoughts of intense nipple torture in conjunction with all of the potential torments had this slut grinding and rocking hard upon the plug.
Then moving to the "Hot Rockers" and watching all sorts of sucking of cocks and fucking up the ass by males was another "awakening" for this slut. Yes, looking at those dicks, and thinking of sucking and sucking upon a dick was again arousing for this slut. Simultaneously, wanting to be dressed ala femme and being fucked while sucking at the same moment was quite a wild stretch of this learning sissy slut. Yet, watching as a "virgin" was broken in made this man pussy squirm and twitch.
Thank You Mistress Malice for exposing so much new and educational material for this slut's mind development.
Apr. 30th, 2008
06:06 pm - First Period
A number of thoughts and emotions have come forth due to the experience of the first period as per Mistress Malice's desire. Guess, that the first thought was that a little old tampon couldn't do much mentally or physically, WRONG. The change in the way the tampon felt as it initially felt rather tiny and harmless, yet after the first hour or so it was definitely growing. It seemed that the thong rubbing like the slingshot that it is was intensifying the power of the tampon. The feeling of being unable to have anything else within created anxiety, a feeling of being dirty, a feeling of so wanting to put on pantyhose, a bra, skirt and top, heels, and makeup was powerful due to the femme experience. Naturally, due to no permission to dress from Mistress Malice it definitely was the realization that this slut has no choices, no allowances except for what is pleasing and amusing for Mistress.
There was also a noticeable increase in frustration as it seemed the clitter was much more alive and active. Thus, it was more comfortable not being in chastity as frequently it was noticeable as to the "growing" sensation of the clitter. Then there was the experience of having cramps for the first time as the tampon seemed to generate more "gas" than normal which did create some minor cramping and slight discomfort.
There were also the thoughts, that this first period had to be the worst part of the beginnings as Mistress Malice's sissy slut life. A lesson in humility, that all revolves around the mood, wishes, desires, and amusement level of Mistress Malice. Since this sissy slut was sleeping in a diaper there was no worry about making a mess should the gas created cramps become intense.
This first period strongly intensified the desire to dress totally femme for Mistress Malice.
Apr. 23rd, 2008
12:34 pm - Today's Thoughts
Greetings Mistress Malice,
Today begins a period of 4 days of no work, and the early word is that next week shall be even fewer working hours than this week. This presents a double edged sword in that it means less "play money", yet more time for the mental aspects of slavery. Due to age, eagerness and desire etc, there is the continual mind process of hoping to travel deep into the darkness of slavery and to live in that manner.
There is always the lingering thought as to just how realistic this hope truly is. Today's world and thinking of what is politically correct in conjunction with the "do gooders" is always such a challenge. The fact that so many supposedly in this lifestyle are so judgemental as to what is correct according to their beliefs thus frustrating in my mind and thoughts. Why can't people accept, note accept, not agree that what two adults believe and desire to live, can be totally acceptable? Yes, the paradigms of old, are not always the way of acceptance of change, ie today's paradigms. Isn't it a sign of mental and progressive intellectual strength to adjust to what others seek without judging others?
It seems that many times those in the "vanilla" lifestyle merely shake their heads in disbelief whereas those in the lifestyle are so quick to say "NO" that is not the true BDSM lifestyle, or find other negative comments to strengthen their self esteem and self confidence. Yes, it appears to me, that it requires so much less effort to find the positive than the negative in regards to differing views, actions, and thoughts.
OK, enough of this slut's philosophical thoughts and views for today.
Apr. 18th, 2008
07:20 am - This Slut Has Been Very Busy Today
What a beautiful morning following a night filled with raging winds, heavy rain, and scattered hail, and now the sun is shining brightly. It is somewhat alike this slut's day yesterday followed with a short chat with Mistress Malice on IM. In return for the honor of speaking to Mistress Malice this slut must pay a "price" for each of Her typos. It is with great respect that this slut does believe Mistress might make an intentional mistake or two just for Her fun and amusement . For each typo which Mistress makes accidentally or on purpose this slut was commanded to attach a clothespin to some portion of this slut's anatomy. At first Her command was for the pins to be placed upon the balls, which were not large enough to hold enough clothes pins, thus more were added to the clitter and then the nose, the tongue and the nipples. The clothes pins do add a challenge in that maintaining a bit of intelligence is not always the easiest task when there is a bit of pain experienced by a masochist. Mistress commanded that this slut remain pinned up for an additional 30 minutes after she signed off yahoo, during which this slut squirmed, humped, and became so aroused and hot that the clitter was dripping faster than a leaky faucet. Since no release nor orgasm is on this slut's "can do" list the moments of frustration continue to grow stronger and stronger. Hopefully, this fact shall make Mistress laugh and giggle in amusement.
Another healthy addition to this slut's life as per Mistress's command and desire is to drink a gallon of water per day, which is probably double the normal amount of water this slut has been consuming. Spreading this amount over the entire day isn't all that bad, however initially dummy thought it was to be consumed in a 3 hour period, thus creating quite a laxative effect. This additional water consumption does create the need to urinate much more frequently than the past. Since this slut is now required to sleep in a pink baby doll type nightie, in addition to a diaper, the added water intake does create a very soggy diaper by changing time.
Last night also resulted in the production of 3 or 4 videos for Mistress's amusement. The reason for so many videos is that e-mail will not allow an attachment larger than 10MB or some technical term. Three of them exceeded this limitation which is a man made limit, not a limit that Mistress Malice, the Female Superior Dominant would establish... darned inferior males anyway. Not being blessed with the talent to keep things "short and sweet" these limitations prove to be a real problem for a blabberbum. Thus one was successfully sent via e-mail to Mistress, with two or three remaining in the saved documents arena. Since part of the script for these videos required this slut to be diapered no change was necessary after movie time. Only the pink baby doll was added for bed/sleep time.
To enable making this shorter, the night resulted in only awakening twice with that feeling of intense pressure and yes, the need to pee!! Thus the diaper was wet twice, so far. It is heavy and it is pretty wet or at least very damp. Due to the great absorbency, there is no leaking so all is well. The thought of a wonderful pot of coffee is so powerful and so wanted, yet one pot of coffee will definitely test the absorbency qualities to the maximum... back to decision time and WWMMD?
For those who do not know, WWMMD= What Would Mistress Malice Do/Desire/Demand. This slut has been commanded to give serious thought to this question before making any decisions during the times when Mistress Malice can not be bothered with this anxious and eager slut's questions.
Now wondering what shall be within Mistress's realm of amusement today? Definitely, nothing this inferior male slut can predict with any accuracy at all. Thus whatever shall be shall be. Maybe even be blessed and allowed to dress today. *smile*
Have a wonderful day Mistress,
Apr. 17th, 2008
Apr. 15th, 2008
08:23 am - Liberation Thru Slutnosis
i am sitting here sipping coffee attempting to totally absorb all that was released from this mind last night prior to bed listening to the recorded message from Mistress Malice. Slutnosis-Feminization-Demalization-Slut
First and foremost, this slave/slut totally surrenders to Mistress Malice this heart, mind, body, and soul so that Mistress will fully develop the sissy which lies within. This is a feeling of intense transformation which has long been sought, yet a bit of "hanging on" to the old, being that ugly male, and possessing that ugly dick. Last night after listening with a wide open mind the realization of now having a "clitter" and no longer being that ugly male was a deeply emotionally beautiful time of life. Upon awakening from the "sleep" induced through Mistress Malice's words there was a feeling that yes, indeed, the transformation has truly begun. An immediate wanting to go shopping for that sexy black mini skirt, with a slut red top, as well as the appropriate and necessary makeup plus stiletto heels.
So many thoughts are emanating within this mind... the total realization and acceptance that this slut is no longer just a male, but also a sissy slut as i have always dreamt about, but refused to allow to come forth. A realization that this fact has been stifled and shut out for so long. Remembering the numerous times, of giving up, throwing away makeup, clothes, all feminine items in refusal to accept what truly lies within. So many times of "accepting" that previous Mistresses have disliked slut to be truly feminized, leaving this slut in denial.
This morning begins my new life as Mistress Malice's sissy slut and i am reminded of this as i see myself through her eyes and her vision of my future. The softness of the hairless skin of this body seems even more soft this morning. A total transformation has begun mentally as well as physically.
Remembering last night immediately after listening to the recording, going before a mirror and looking at this now feminine body, with the clitter pulled back and stretched back, how a wonderful and lovely pussy appeared. The lips protruding were so beautiful, so mind boggling. It is with awe that i now remember the symbolic physical proof of my own metamorphosis.
Now appreciating even more that Mistress Malice has christened this slut as wilma. She is so wonderful as She leads this slut along the road to where Mistress desires her to be. Wondering how this clitter can be secured so that these pussy lips are constantly there, not a sign at all of the previous state... casting aside the male thoughts and actions... Now more and more wishing and wanting, and yes needing to bring wilma alive and about in total. Dreaming of becoming a worthy cock sucker, dreaming of being used as a sissy slut.
Thank You Mistress Malice for giving this gift to Your slut wilma. Thank You for Your intuition, and knowing what is best for wilma. Thank You for being the liberator of what has been within for so long.
Your adoring slave/slut
Apr. 14th, 2008
09:44 am - The Rumblings Of The Inner Self
Wow Mistress Malice is soooooooooo awesome as many already know, and this slut has just learned in a more intense manner. The magnetism, the ability to inject intense desire within this slut so that She is pleasured and amused is truly wonderful as She totally humiliates one in their own shame. Returning to the experience with Mistress Malice this past Saturday night, the scene must be set for the dramatic.
First slut was required to have at hand the following items: CB 3000, underpants, diapers, fleet enemas, clothes pins, baby bottle, baby bib, blonde wig, and of course slut itself. Added to this was scotch as this slut had slipped into a scotch bottle on Friday night and become totally stupid as a result. Added power to this, is the fact that the command to have the items on hand had been issued at least 5 days prior, with the further mind fuck that Mistress would utilize these items as well as christen this slut with a new name when Her schedule allowed. Thus, the suspense continued to mount and slut became more and more eager to be used for Mistress Malice's intense humor and pleasure. Saturday night became "lights, camera, action and oh my goodness. At some point between midnight and 1AM on Saturday morning the Fantastic and Wonderful Mistress Malice decided it was time to christen Her new slut with a "bang". (pun intended)
Mistress Malice first instructed this slut as to the new name and password for logging onto yahoo messenger, and to get there like "yesterday" Her word usage is so powerful and so wonderful as there is no doubt She is definitely a most Superior Female Dominant and that this lowly inferior male slut is but Her means of Humor. Once on IM, further command was given to join Her in a public chat room (surprise #1), and after a few technical snafus this was accomplished partially. It then quickly became time to turn on the cam and allow the world to see this slut/victim. Side messages in regular IM brought the command of: do a scotch enema, lock the 3000 on, underpants, and diaper time ohh and the silly blonde wig. Since Mistress had prepared this mind for this situation for days, slut couldn't wait to obey Her command, couldn't wait to be taken to the depths of shame which are so pleasing and humorous to this Wonderful Mistress. Yes, Her venom had deeply been transfused into these veins thus the mind was so open, so vulnerable to do anything for Her intense amusement.
slut was thinking to one's own detriment, how could this little 4 ounce enema do much damage... rumblings etc? Welllllllllllll, after 3 of them, the world was shaking, the mind was so doused with desire to do anything Mistress desired. This body was shaking and quivering externally, while inside the rumblings, the flashes of spasms, the hotness as clothes 5 clothes pins had been attached to each sensitive nipple. thus with a pussy cunt full of scotch enemas and the nipples screaming in pain the slut was doing a dance of "fuck me fuck me please fuck me". Dancing as a stripper, dancing as a whore being fucked ohhhhhhhhhh it was again the wonderful venom of Mistress Malice at total control.
At around 4AM, Mistress Malice was becoming tired and simply commanded, that slut could go to bed, and naturally sleep in the filth and shame which had so violently erupted just prior to Her wishing to get some sleep for Herself. slut was not allowed to clean self of shame etc until noon on Sunday.. what a way to worship the Fantastic Mistress Malice in total and yet wonderful shame. As Mistress Malice and slut had both failed to recall the presence of a baby bottle and a baby bib, those items are still laying in the closet as slut wonders as to how those items shall be used for more humiliation at some future time.
Further information as a result of the deep "cleaning" of this slut's innards, yesterday the entire body was moving in slow motion and in an almost comatose state. Running to CVS and finding gatorade, energy drinks, and large bottles of water provided relief and somewhat awoke this mind and body. Sigh.. awoke in that returned to a more normal state of mental capacity, partially out of this time of intense shame for Mistress's amusement. The only BAD aspect, was that this computer would not support the audio features in the chat room, thus slut's ears could only "burn" not hearing the discourse that was possibly discussing how silly this slut was during the nearly 3 hours of degradation.
The physical rumblings have slowed to now being nonexistant, this mind is still even more focused upon the wonderful powers of Mistress Malice, and yes, guilty of wishing and wanting the next episode to come soon... please forgive this greedy slut Mistress. The power of Mistress Malice is continuing to move deeper within, and yes the wanting to please Her, to amuse Her to maintain total focus upon Her total Pleasure is growing and growing, and yet this is but a beginning on this wonderful journey. Knowing that pleasure is for Mistress Malice, this slut comforts self knowing that wearing a thong daily is for Mistress.
Thank You one more time Mistress Malice, You are so Wonderful, this slut is so honored to be allowed to serve You in the ways You desire Mistress. You are the master of creating such desire and eagerness and channeling these traits for Your entertainment. This slut has been on this rodeo a few years, and never ever has this slut felt so taken... Curtsies to You in great respect, admiration, and submission to You Mistress.
Your adoring slave,
Dear Mistress Malice,
Last night was a fantastic and hopefully greatly amusing time for Your Mistress.
You have been into my head quite deeply already, but last night You opened the top of this head and poured a whole lot in, then cemented over the top sealing my fate into Your hands/mind Mistress. Starting with going into a chat room where You apparently have a lot of friends/admirers/and other sluts was a total surprise, as i had foolishly assumed the cam session would strictly be in the yahooIM window. i hope that You noticed that it did bring a wildly exhibitionist side of this slut Mistress. Naturally, slut will continually request Your guidance as to such behavior and actions for You amusement Mistress. It is all about You and Your pleasure and now that is even more important/critical Mistress.
There was one casualty as a result of last night, but i tend to think it was only a matter of time anyway Mistress. The CB-3000 is now toast as the curve portion is now in two pieces and it is questionable if super glue will repair it or not. After listening to Your recording about the cock sucking slut in a box i went to bed and curled upon the protective pads to protect the bed and bed linens sooo hot and aroused. Yes, to make matters even more filthy and uncomfortable the need to urinate immediately hit thus soaking all and spreading the filth more totally into the undershorts and diaper Mistress.
wilma slept about an hour or hour and a half, and awoke in intense pain as the 3000 was biting as the clitter was trying and trying to grow and grow. Also the amazement that only 3 of those 4.5 ounce disposable enema bottles were working with such intense power, as it had been at least 2 years maybe more since this slut has done enemas Mistress. Yes, the reminder that slut is also hooked upon enemas as being so powerful as well as mind altering struck right between the eyes Mistress. The feelings within with the enemas filling and expanding, then fire was added with the clothes pins attached to the nipples, and there was one hot wild and super aroused wilma Mistress. Yes, these nipples are so sensitive and more Mistress. That is why there were times wilma was humping and grinding on the chair Mistress. Yes, there were a series of mini orgasms or more like a milking happening Mistress. Not in total naturally, but very much present none the less Mistress. It is this period of mini orgasms that keeps this slave on a real high Mistress, a high that slut wishes would never end, a high which makes slave even more manipulative or vulnerable for total obeying and compliance Mistress.
Contrary to many sessions long distance there were no times during the night when slave wanted to go shower and clean up Mistress. Rather, an deep feeling that to do so would be totally disrespectful and totally disobedient Mistress. Whether this is a growth as a slave don't know Mistress. i just know it was a very wonderful new feeling, both mentally and physically. At this point i don't feel it is as a result of fear, but feel it is a sign of total Respect and submission to You Mistress. At least a small distance has been covered in growing for Your total and complete amusement and pleasure Mistress. i know You have truly moved into my heart, mind, body, and soul Mistress, as there is a totally new, wonderful and aroused emotion and mind set now present within this mind Mistress. Yes, i was eager before, but i am now much more intense in my wanting and needing to serve for You Mistress.
Last night was a real beginning Mistress, and thank You for taking me deeper into Your web Mistress. Thank You for exposing just how big a slut i am Mistress. i know i shall be eager for more and more, but also feel i shall have more patience and respect for Your being so busy etc Mistress. i am still riding on the crest of emotions Mistress.
Submissively with love,
Your slut wilma shitspeare
Apr. 9th, 2008
Mistress Malice has made this writing assignment more challenging by stating that i write about the one fantasy which is constantly a part of me. Maybe, since i am a Gemini that compounds the problem for me as i really have so many wrapped into one, or at least that is my “justification”. Probably, the most basic and prevalent, is my deep desire to truly and totally live the remainder of my days as an owned slave. This deep and burning need definitely affects my entire life.
i started my cross dressing adventures around age 12 or 14 which corresponded with my first learning of masturbation. When my parents were out, and i had the home to myself i would go into the attic and rummage through my grandmothers old lingerie, particularly what i today would call body shapers which zipped up the front. That was the beginnings, as i then moved into girdles and tight fitting lingerie. These events always ended with masturbating to orgasm. The love for lingerie lingers constantly within my mind. For some reason though, masturbation has since become less frequent, and honestly not a big thing to me. Then in the 1970s i somehow learned about s&m. i had no idea of a Mistress/slave relationship, nor BDSM at that time. This is where i became involved with a combination of dressing in total en femme plus being bound, learning the good bad and ugly of anal plugs. my first anal plug was so darned big i thought it was going to rip me in two. Anyway, anal plugs were not an item of choice until about 7 or 8 years ago.
Finally i started dressing in total, with makeup wigs heels etc in the late 80s. I have been in public dressed, and most always feel warm and fuzzy. I also learned and began wearing pantyhose at that time. I loved the control tops in that they firmed my butt cheeks etc as well as took care of the little bulge created by the male “stick” as it tucked that little thing back and under. i also at that time began to visit professional Mistresses. This was when i was on business trips into various cities and away from the corn fields. my becoming a masochist developed during these experiences. my worst beating was at a Dungeon in San Francisco when i was caned extensively. my ass was virtually every color possible, and the coloring lasted for almost 2 weeks. i have never experienced a caning like that one again. These experiences continued until the middle 90s when i purchased my first computer. Through the computer i somehow found BDSM sites and learned there was such a lifestyle as BDSM. A relationship was formed long distance with a Mistress which resulted in my first diaper experiences. She commanded that i wear diapers for extreme time periods, as i recall about 30 days has been the longest i have been restricted to diapers. Never have i experienced that as an adult baby, but rather a true mental and physical experience when a most common “right” is made a privilege, the use of a toilet. Golden showers also came to be during the 90s.
Since, i learned of Mistress/slave relationships, i began to realize there was much missing in my experiences. All that i had done was s&m which i now feel was for my fun, my play, my pleasure, and was work for the Dominant. Meeting a Lady online from Long Island exposed me to learning about submission, that all was for the pleasure of the Mistress. Today, i now understand that submission is not about my pleasure and i totally and completely subscribe to the philosophies of Female Dominance and Female Superiority.
Secretly my deepest desire is to be taken deep into slavery as a female, used as a whore or whatever is the desire of my Mistress but even more vital to this slave is that my owner derive pleasure from owning this slave, and that this slave becomes a valuable property.
Thus, i beg for guidance, control, training, and more in hopes of becoming a truly valued slave. If i was allowed to hope and dream, reaching this plateau on the journey into submission would be my fantasy.
Mar. 25th, 2008
08:05 am - Essay On Female Supremacy
Dear Mistress Malice,
This slave has done a lot of thinking and reading prior to writing the following assigned essay. This slave definitely and completely believes in the concept of Female Supremacy, and that is what i deeply seek and request. As a slave life centers totally around what She desires it to be and or become. There are no ifs, ands, nor butts, to being a slave. The will and wishes of the Superior Female must be obeyed no matter what She may command. There can be no "sore toes" or other feeble excuses why a slave can not nor does not wish to comply. The slave willingly relinquishes all control to Her to use as She so desires and sees fit.
The mental aspect is both seductively powerful and yet so cruel. Mind fucks whether they happen or not can keep a slave wondering, and thus strengthens their commitment to serving for Her pleasure. As You stated in Your website, Your Irresistible yet Controlling Sadism creeps into the veins of a committed slave and deepens their need to serve You in all ways whether known or unknown to the slave. It is a poison of total surrender of the heart, mind, body, and soul which is the greatest gift a slave can ever present to The Superior Female Dominant.
It is not about sex, as sex may or may not ever be a privilege a slave is allowed as that is the Owner's decision and right to totally control. Yes, this slave has fantasized about being forcefully feminized, and then due to the Owner's whim raped and used as a whore for Her pleasure. Even though this slave is straight in sexual orientation there are no limits as that again would be the choice of the Owner. This is but one example of being forced to do the unknown for Your pleasure which drives this slave to submission.
This slave has read, studied, and listened closely in chat rooms but many times this slave has also become disenchanted by the "unreal" facts, thoughts, and prejudicial attacks forced upon others in this lifestyle that it is sickening. Why such a supposedly open minded group of people within the lifestyle feel they know all, and their way is the only right way drives me crazy. It is all about what She as a Superior Female wishes.
This slave now believes that the old concept of "mutual trust, mutual respect, and mutual integrity do not apply in a full slavery relationship. Yes, the slave must trust their Owner, respect them, and also be totally honest with them, but the mutual aspect no longer applies once the contract of enslavement is signed. Whether the slave is used as a toilet, a whore, a dancer, a chef, or whatever else depends fully upon the desires of their Owner.
It is not a surrender to live life as a slave, but an offering of the greatest gift possible. To freely and openly present yourself, heart, mind, body, and soul for total and complete control and service is more valuable than any amount of money. To offer ones self in total servitude to a Superior Female is the food for life and purpose in this slave's mind. Learning the deepest and darkest areas which provide new and wonderful pleasure for the Superior Female is the only purpose necessary for a true slave to grow and become even deeper in their commitment and submission to their Owner. All in life for a slave becomes a privilege granted by the Superior Female not a right.
Is it really stupid to beg for more? Isn't that a sign of total commitment? Isn't that a desire to fully serve? It is with total commitment and full desire to serve and please You that this slave begs You to be the drug which i can not live without. Please take this slave where You wish and mold me for the role which provides the most intense pleasure for You. This humble slave sincerely begs that You become my world and my total reason for existing.
Respectfully and submissively,
wilma shitspeare - formerly known as slave mike